Secrets, Lies, Truths – Being Honest with You

Secrets.

In my life, and from what I witnessed and am still witnessing amongst the culture that I live in, I noticed that people have secrets.

Well, let’s face it.

No matter what society, or culture you come from, everyone, have secrets. Of course we do. And it’s not like we are going to spew our deepest secrets to the person we just got to know, or a stranger sitting next to you on the tube.

But what I am going to talk about is truth, to yourself, and then to the people closest to you. This also involves people you are involved in matters which matter in your life, activities which make up a whole lot of your life, i.e work, and in general, relationships you have going on with literally, everyone and everything.

Having said that, are you aware that relationships govern everything that is going on in your personal life?

Yes. Starting from your relationship with you.

So let’s start with that.

Telling the truth to you.

And I personally learnt that, that can be the one most difficult to thing to do. But when applied into my life, I also realized that it can be the one most liberating thing to do for myself.

Sometimes, we are afraid to be honest with ourselves. Because we are afraid to lose everything we have ever known and the very thing we are trying to cling on to. Yet, the beauty with truth is that there is light which is shine on that which was once dark, unknown, or should it be said, perhaps something that was once.. refused to be acknowledged – for some of us.

I once read an article called Keeping Secrets – a Life Limiting Habit , an article which made me realize the dark side of keeping secrets. Of course, all of us always do something and behave in a way which is rational to ourselves. We always conduct ourselves in a way we deem appropriate, even if to another, it is not. So with regards to secrets, more often than not, I realized that keeping secrets is a form of trying to protect ourselves, rather than trying to protect the very person we are hiding it from.

Well, the thing is, no one wants to be lied to. In actual fact, no one really, wants to be withheld from a truth. But because most of us do that, i.e keep secrets, some of us tend to be more understanding of why another keeps secrets.

Now the thing is this. If we want to be told the truth and have no secrets with our loved ones, and this applies not only to love relationships, but all relationships in general, how can we make it easier for this phenomena to happen more frequently in our lives?

What is the real truth here?

The real truth is, sometimes, or in fact, most times, most of us do not react well to the truth.

While we might think we can handle it, but can we, really?

On this note, we might want to think about making it easier the next time, for the next person in our lives who open up and be honest about what they feel with regards to any issue. No matter how difficult it might be. #FoodForThought

Then again, it’s not our fault – for those of us who want to be told the truth, and for those of us who withhold the truth.

Our current education system does not teach us how to handle such sensitive situations.

Society does not teach us how to tell the truth, and to do it the right way. And society surely does not teach us how to be more accepting of other people’s views and opinions as well as being open to an outcome of a situation.

Even as I am typing this, I chuckle at how I could have handled such situations better. The first port of call is, do not under any circumstance talk about such sensitive issues through texts. #ExtremelyImportant #FirstLearningPoint

That might be overreacting a little, but you get the drift. :)

Telling the truth, or discussing a sensitive issue, as difficult as it might be for some of us, might require us to do it in person because sometimes, when we are within the capacity of the other, we convey much more than our words. Our body language says a lot about what we really feel. So if you are really going to want someone who matters to you to get what you are trying to say, you better really mean what you say, and be honest and as open as you could possibly be.

Now, sometimes, in the communication of our truths, we get confused.. And that, is the real truth. Sometimes, we just don’t know what we want, and we are actually scared and lost.

Now here is the next part.

Are you able to be okay with you?

Communicating truths to another is one thing, and is a tactful skill to be applied even in the most skilled conversationalist.

But the thing is, what actually makes telling a truth, and discussing sensitive issues so difficult?

Well, it could be due to the fact that we find it difficult to live with ourselves – with the real truth that lies within us.

We are not okay – with us.

When it comes to speaking of something that matters to me, and conveying what I really think about something, I found that what really bothered me is what others might think about what I think. It is ultimately the need to fit in, the need to please, and the need to want others to accept me in that what causes the friction and conflict within me when conveying my truth.

The learning point is this:

When I accepted myself, when I accepted what I think and feel, and that it’s okay for others to have their own opinions and viewpoints, and that not everyone is going to think the way that I do, I became okay and sure footed in conveying and sharing my truth.

There is no longer the need to “sugar coat” my words as there is no more need to want to make others accept what I think and wanting them to ‘like’ and accept me.

I became okay, and liberated in that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and with this thinking in mind, I have set myself free.

I became okay with the knowing that people might not like me, and might not even be comfortable with me being in their circle.

I realized that there is no need to put up with bull**** and things I do not agree with. That it is within my rights to communicate freely, but also realizing just as much that it is equally as right for others to express themselves and communicate their thoughts.

Having said so, there is a fine line between truly communicating our truths in an open and genuine way, and expressing what we think and feel in a manipulative, hurtful and blaming way. To even get into the subject of how-tos and to navigate around the ways of trying to express our truths might need more than a thousand five hundred and thirty one words as on this page so we wouldn’t get into that here. But the rule of thumb is, you will know by way of how you feel whether you are getting onto the manipulative, blaming line or you just really, genuinely, want to express how you feel, and what you think because you want to resolve an issue, or because you want to get what you feel out in the open.

Remember that when you are in such a situation, how would you think you would feel if someone else claims to tell you something of what they feel, yet seemingly blame you for it? Telling the truth is one thing. Doing it tactfully and with grace, is another.

Of course, this topic is very subjective, and requires a lot of maturity and wisdom to handle it. In fact, I think I could even come up with a lesson called “Navigating The Tricks and Trades of Telling A Sensitive Truth Course 101” – and study it in detail myself. 😛

Coming back to our topic at hand, at the end of the day, it’s not even so much about what others think of you. Everyone is wired very differently. Neither do you have the capacity to control how and what every single person in your life think of you. To try to attempt that will be not only unfruitful or unsuccessful but it will be one of an unnecessary, exhausting, never-ending spiral.

At the end of the day, you need to live with you. So to even begin learning to be honest with others, you might want to start by being that, to yourself.

When you are honest and more in acceptance of you, you might even begin to find that you will be more tolerant and respectful of others opinions and viewpoints and allow them… the space, to speak their truths…

Via: jassicania.com