Why I Am Thankful My Partner Understands My Anxiety

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Originally Published on readunwritten.com

I consider myself extremely lucky to have a companion in my life that is incredibly understanding of me.

The first time my S.O. witnessed one of my anxiety attacks, it was stress induced, and brought on mostly by lack of sleep. I thought I was going to fail all of my exams and that my teeth were going to fall out. I didn’t feel like I needed to hide it from him, I knew what it was and I communicated what I had felt.

I experienced anxiety when I was younger and then it manifested again while in university. There, I used services that the university provided to be referred to a professional that could better establish a plan of action that I was comfortable with and would give the best results. I built a “toolbox” of resources and mechanisms that I could use to reduce anxiety or to use during an anxiety attack. After this, the number of attacks I had decreased, and the ones I had were not as severe and passed in a small amount of time.

When we were in the earlier stages of our relationship, I had felt anxious a few times or had a few episodes where I had begun hyperventilating. We communicated openly so I was comfortable to explain to him what was happening or to disclose what I needed to do to work through it. If I needed it, he provided me with space, rubbed my back, or made me laugh.

After a little over a year together, I experienced a severe anxiety attack. Brought on by all of the changes I was making, the lack of sleep, the onslaught of decision making that comes with impending graduation and a few personal things. When they were combined it became a lot to handle, my mind shut down and I headed into a depressive state.

It was then that I realized the relationship that I have with this man had reached a level of maturity that I hadn’t experienced prior to that. He heard what I was saying, he didn’t try to invalidate how I was feeling, but rather, he provided an ear to listen to what I needed to let out. We had provided support to each other countless times, without judgement and with respect to each other’s privacy. He encouraged me to find a counsellor I was comfortable with to discuss these things deeper and analyze them in a way that we couldn’t. He didn’t enable my reclusion, he didn’t tell me what to do and he didn’t pretend as if he knew the answers.

He didn’t try to treat my anxiety. He didn’t act like he was a trained professional or diagnose me with a million other different things. If he googled, he didn’t act like it. He provided the same support as my best friend or my mom would, which is something I value every single day.

In conversations regarding mental health that are conducted by our peers, it is unfortunate that it is commonplace for others to try to identify mental illness in the people around them, feeling anxious and having anxiety aren’t the same thing. Truthfully, we aren’t therapists, sometimes problems are too big for us to handle, we can’t help our friends in the way they need and there is no shame in admitting that. You can share with others the tricks you use to cope, but you cannot provide them with a treatment plan. That’s why there are paid professionals and resources available to aid in the development of a personalized plan of action.

No matter how much googling we do or how much personal experience we have, being a hand-holding supporter and providing encouragement can be the best thing we can do for our loved ones. Don’t diagnose your friends, but direct them to resources that they can use to provide the answers they need.

I am very thankful to have such a strong support system and to have an incredible group of people that have provided loving relationships, friendships, undying loyalty, and support when I have needed it and have let me return it. Shout out to those beautiful people in my life, they help keep my light on.

About The Author

Jenna is a post-graduate student attempting to balance "adulting" and dreams. After finishing up her degree in Political Science she is in hot pursuit of a career in Human Rights but will most likely be found with her nose in a good book, singing one of Taylor Swift's hits into a hairbrush in her spare time or dancing with (mostly at) her dog