Is Divorce A New Beginning Or An Ending?
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What makes our reality is the way we take every single event in our life. The most successful people are those who see the bright side of every experience, no matter how painful and insulting it is. Certainly, it requires enormous efforts, patience, and positivity to cope with all that stuff, get over, and just let it go. But it’s definitely worth it, as only in this way you’ll be ready to move on and scale new heights, having learned the lesson.
Statistics say that every second marriage breaks up, and this number is constantly growing year after year. But people keep getting married in the hopes that their couple will be an exception to the rule, staying together forever. Unfortunately, no one is immune to divorce, let’s face it. And if everything goes wrong, is it a new beginning or an ending? Or can it be both?
Divorce can be seen as a defeat, and on the contrary - as a challenge. The door you used to leave your past is also the entrance to the future. This period would contribute to the growth and development of your personality, the discovery of new opportunities. Something that was not available before is now open to you. You can ponder about what you have wanted to do for a long time, but never allowed yourself. Someone begins living an active and sociable life, someone experiments with new hobbies, someone enjoys peace and quiet, someone changes the style. When it happened to me, I resigned from my previous job, which I hated with every fiber of my being. The only reason I hadn’t done that before is my ex-wife’s firm belief that I’m not able to get good money for doing what I love to do.
Divorce leads to a personal crisis, that is a re-evaluation, getting out of the comfort zone (or, maybe, entering it for the first time?), and opening new ways of self-development. It helps to think again about what we want from life and relationships, and how to get it. Make every effort to look at your divorce as at the beginning of a new stage in your life. That helped me get over a lot of fears I had.
Freedom or Loneliness?
We’ve all heard those jokes and life stories that describe a divorced man as a lucky guy who has found a long-awaited freedom. But when it comes to real life, the consequences of divorce can be both positive and negative. And it’s completely up to you, which side will be yours.
Do you believe that divorce is a recipe for loneliness? Yes, it is!... Just if you want so. Are you sure that you’re free at last? – Right on point again! The thing is freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose. And... maybe it’s not that bad as it seems?
The experience of loneliness is one of the most powerful and complex feelings in human life. At first, it may seem that when someone important disappears from your life, it becomes empty. It’s necessary to accept loneliness, stay in this state for some time, get used to it, and then gradually begin to fill life with new activities, events, people. Remember that you’re the only one in charge for what you take into your new life – that’s where the freedom comes. Usually, the periods of loneliness turn into a pushing power for discovering fresh ideas and inner wishes. All you need to create a new future is to visualize it and act.
Plenty of Prospects or No Future?
You’re totally wrong if you’re sure that further relationships with women are impossible. Vice versa: now you’re like a new good on the market, and a rather competitive one. You might ask “Why?” here.
Firstly, you have an advantage over “non-married” guys as a potential husband, because you already have all those required skills in dealing with the family routine stuff like doing some housework, sharing duties, avoiding rows, putting up with thousands of her bottles in the bathroom, and so on. Secondly, you’re a good candidate for a “temporary lover” position. Surveys show that divorced men are much more skilled and “talented” in bed than the first-time married, as they have investigated various types of the same woman’s sexuality, while those who have had many partners, usually have rather primitive sexual experience.
So, see, you have a plenty of prospects after divorce, just don’t let your anxiety and fear for the unknown future stop you from being happy. If your marriage hasn’t worked out, it doesn’t mean you don't deserve to be happy. That was just one small chapter in the book of your life. You have so much more to experience and explore.
Live or Survive?
And again – it’s only your decision what to choose. You can live trying to survive… and trying to mask your heavy, aching heart, or surprise everyone with endless positivity, active and interesting lifestyle and that playful fire inside you.
Do more things with your days. If you aren't ready to go back to work, fine... take a class, start a project, get therapy, go on a trip, try out for sports. And set yourself a date - maybe today, maybe in two weeks, maybe in a month, start looking for a new job that is interesting for you. Stick to it.
Valuable Experience or Emotional Trauma?
Of course, you can lock yourself in the apartment, cut off all contacts with the outside world and fall into a deep depression. But do you really think it can help somehow? You can’t avoid some kind of emotional trauma, having experienced a divorce, indeed. You can’t avoid feeling jaded, directionless, unmotivated after it happened to you. But you can stop fueling and encouraging the state like this, feeling sorry for yourself.
Have a little faith in yourself! Man up! Do you realize what a great and huge experience you have now and how helpful it can be for building a new healthy relationship? You’ve learned a lot from your own mistakes and reached some conclusions as well. Now you know what is better to be said in this or that situation and how to do it. You know, how to avoid conflicts, find compromises, listen and hear, get what you want from a woman – these skills are just invaluable, are they?
Think long and hard to realize why did your relationship end? In any case, there’s your fault in the breakup as well. Analyze your behavior and find out what was wrong in order not to fail in the same situation again.
So… Keep your head up!
The same event can be taken in many different ways, and the outcome depends greatly on your perception. A disaster? A failure? Or just an instructive part of your life story with both good and bad sides?
Even if the divorce was initiated by your wife, your manhood is injured and abandoned, and you’re suffering from the betrayal of your beloved, life goes on anyway. Time does heal, the most critical period passes, and life is gradually filling with new impressions and experiences. The worst moments are so much easier to survive if we realize what positive meaning they have for us.
Despite it sounds banal, the most important thing is not to give up, hope for the best and strive for it. Lots of men have got through the divorce, and now they live their new lives, taking advantage of all opportunities, opening in front of them.
Working through your divorce is really about you, not about your ex, so don’t focus on the past – look to the future!
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