7 Intelligent Ways to Deal with Toxic People

Do you have a friend, family member, or romantic partner who is really difficult to get along with? Do you feel degraded or manipulated around them? If so, it's possible that you have toxic people in your life. Toxic people require a special kind of care to navigate, if you choose to continue to do so. There are techniques you can use to learn how to take care of yourself and deal with other people in a toxic relationship.

1. Forgive but Do NOT Forget

Why not forgive and forget? You cannot learn from a situation if you forget it. Emotionally intelligent people understand that forgiveness is for your own benefit. Forgiveness does not excuse, deny or justify the act, but it does release you from the negativity in the aftermath that often leads to feelings of revenge and hate. These types of negative feelings change you and sometimes mutate you into a toxic person. Release yourself by letting go of the emotions attached to the bad situation you were in, but remember smart victims of toxic people understand that they need to take an assertive approach to protecting themselves in the future.

2. Set Limits and Establish Boundaries

This is important to do especially for people you live or work with. I commonly see people put up with constant negative behaviors because they feel they have no control over the chaos or that this person will never change. Maybe they cannot change, you cannot control the personal growth of another, but you can change the way they treat you. For constant complainers, ask them what they plan to do to fix the problem. For constant passive aggressors, ask them questions to delve out their true aggression then talk about it. One piece of advice I would like to add, please understand that venting is healthy. Do not mistake a trusted friend’s healthy attempt of consulting you with their feelings with a person looking for attention.

3. Spend Time With Those You Really Trust

Like the old saying goes, “birds of a feather flock together.” Surround yourself with genuine, trustworthy friends who want you to succeed as much as you want yourself to succeed. These people usually don’t waste time or energy on toxic individuals, and neither should you.

4. Stop pretending their toxic behavior is OK.

If you’re not careful, toxic people can use their moody behavior to get preferential treatment, because… well… it just seems easier to quiet them down than to listen to their grouchy rhetoric. Don’t be fooled. Short-term ease equals long-term pain for you in a situation like this. Toxic people don’t change if they are being rewarded for not changing. Decide this minute not to be influenced by their behavior. Stop tiptoeing around them or making special pardons for their continued belligerence.

Constant drama and negativity is never worth putting up with. If someone over the age 21 can’t be a reasonable, reliable adult on a regular basis, it’s time to…

5. Take time for yourself.

If you are forced to live or work with a toxic person, then make sure you get enough alone time to relax, rest, and recuperate. Having to play the role of a “focused, rational adult” in the face of toxic moodiness can be exhausting, and if you’re not careful, the toxicity can infect you. Again, understand that even people with legitimate problems and clinical illnesses can still comprehend that you have needs as well, which means you can politely excuse yourself when you need to.

You deserve this time away. You deserve to think peacefully, free from external pressure and toxic behavior. No problems to solve, boundaries to uphold, or personalities to please. Sometimes you need to make time for yourself, away from the busy world you live in that doesn’t make time for you.

6. Remember Your Right to be Happy

Here is a final point to remember. Whatever reasons a toxic person has for their behavior, it is fully within your rights to be a happy person who associates with emotionally healthy people. The fact that a toxic individual is so internally miserable that they choose to try and undermine the good in other’s lives, or they simply enjoy creating misery isn’t relevant. You have the right to be happy in spite of their behavior, and should assert that right whenever it is necessary. Don’t let anybody manipulate you into being miserable for their benefit.

7. Change the subject

Imagine this interaction: you and your negative colleague are in the elevator. He starts complaining about your client, attacking their intelligence and character. He pauses, waiting for you to chime in and validate his perspectives. In these situations, I like to fall back on current events (thank you, CNN). Instead of agreeing with him you change the subject by saying: “What do you think about the billionaire who offered to buy an island to help Syrian refugees? What resources are needed for that plan to be successful?”

Sources:

http://theunboundedspirit.com/10-clever-ways-deal-toxic-people/

http://unisoultheory.com/index.php/2016/10/24/clever-people-toxic-people/

http://www.marcandangel.com/2013/12/08/7-smart-ways-to-deal-with-toxic-people/

http://www.careergirldaily.com/7-smart-ways-deal-toxic-people/